To use the links in this newsletter, you must be connected to the Internet.  PC Eudora users: to see this and other html mail properly you must check the box "Use Microsoft's Viewer" in the "Viewing Mail" options.

WebSkulker has mentioned http://www.freewwweb.com several times as his favorite free Internet service because it is the only one that doesn't force you to look at ads while you are signed on.  Here's how the other ones work:  you sign up for their service and download special software.  Any time you want to use the Internet, you launch their software which will invoke the dialer to connect to their modem number, then it will open a window that you can position at the top or bottom of the screen that will continuously show ads.  This window will always be on top of all other windows so the useful part of your screen gets a lot smaller.  If you close the ad windows, the connection to the Internet will drop.

Freewwweb reserves the right to someday make you use such an ad window, but so far they have never enforced this.  At the moment they are just like any other ISP; you sign up for an account, set up a Dialup Networking entry to dial in, and use any software you like once you are connected.  There are no ads, nothing special at all except that everything is free.  The only problem with freewwweb is that their site doesn't explain the process very well so a lot of people can't figure out how to get started with it and give up.  WebSkulker knows this because people send him email all the time asking for help!

This issue of WebSkulker is going to be nothing but a detailed tutorial on how to use freewwweb and, of course, a joke.  For those of you already using freewwweb or who don't want it, skip down to the joke and we'll see you tomorrow.  For you jr. skulkers who want to use freewwweb, perform the following steps precisely.  Do not innovate.  Do not download anything from the freewwweb site other than what we tell you to!!!!!  And of course this information is oriented to PC's.  If you use a Mac or Linux or anything else, you will probably be able to set up your system by analogy to what we tell PC people to do.

1. Go to http://reg.freewwweb.com  Fill in the fields identifying yourself.
    

2. Press Next to get to the E-Mail Name screen.  Decide what single word, up to 13 letters/numbers, you want for your userid.  Think carefully about this because it will also be your email address@freewwweb.com.  Also this must be a word that has not already been taken by another user of freewwweb, but it won't tell you this until many screens later so you might have to go way back here to change it.
    

3. Enter something you will remember in the password fields.  Note carefully that the password must have at least one number in it.  Some people think that it is the userid that must have the number, but no, the password must have a number, the userid can have a number, but doesn't have to.  Enter your mother's maiden name if you want, but this can be left blank if you are sure you will remember the password.
    

4. Press Next to get the registration code screen.  Type in FWDL-2.1 and choose your operating system.  If your operating system isn't shown, choose anything because WebSkulker has no idea why they would care at this stage.
    

5. Press Next to see the Terms and Conditions.  Press I Agree after reading it.
    

6. Press Next to see a list of phone numbers.  Hopefully there will be one local to you, so choose it.  Actually it doesn't matter what you choose because you will be entering the phone number later at a different place.  More about that later, but for now keep in mind that you are free to use any freewwweb number in the U.S. and Canada as you travel; don't get the idea that you are locked in to the phone number you choose here.
    

7.  Press Next to get the confirmation screen.  If anything is wrong, go back to fix it.  Duhhhhh.
    

8. Press Next and you should get a message "Setting up registration, please wait."  Wait.  After a few seconds, it should switch to a screen that says "Congratulations, your registration is now complete", or you might get a message that the userid is already taken in which case go back and choose something else.
    

9. Press Finish and without any warning or explanation your browser will tell you that you are downloading a file called "signup.ins".  Go ahead and download this file (and of course remember where you put it) because it has your userid and password and other information in case you forget.  You don't need this file otherwise and you will never be asked to do anything with it.
    

10. Your signup with freewwweb is now complete and you will now configure your PC to dial into it.
     

11. Start the Dialup Networking program by Start / Programs / System Tools / Communications / Dial-up Networking.
     

12. Double click on Make New Connection.  A wizard will pop up asking a couple of questions.  Name the new entry "Freewwweb" or anything you want; the name doesn't matter as long as you remember what it was.
     

13. Press Next.  Type in the area code and phone number of the freewwweb access number you want to use, press Next, then press Finish.  Go here for the list of phone numbers:
    http://www.freewwweb.com/numbers/axsmain.html
     

14. Go back to the Dialup Networking window and you should see an icon for freewwweb, or whatever you called it.  Move the mouse over that and press the RIGHT button, choose Properties.
     

15. Press the Server Types tab.  Set the boxes so that TCP/IP is checked and all others are not checked.
     

16. Press the TCP/IP Settings button.  Set the boxes so that the following are checked: Server Assigned IP Address, Server Assigned Name Server Addresses, Use IP Header Compression, and Use Default Gateway. Press OK twice to close everything. (These settings might be the default so you might not have to change anything.)
     

17. Double click on the freewwweb icon and a window will pop up asking for the userid and password that freewwweb registered for you.  This is unusual so pay attention: Be sure to type the userid so that it looks like an email address, including the @freewwweb.com .  Suppose my userid was "webskulker". With pretty much any other ISP, the dialup networking entry would just say webskulker, but with freewwweb, the dialup networking entry must say:   webskulker@freewwweb.com
     

18. Type in the password.  Check the box "Remember Password" if you want.  Press Connect to have the machine dial in and see if it works.
     

19. If everything seems OK, drag the freewwweb icon from the Dialup Networking window to the desktop, but do it this way: move the mouse over freewwweb, press the RIGHT button and HOLD IT DOWN.  Drag the icon over the desktop and let go of the button.  A menu will pop up asking what you want to do, choose Create Shortcut Here.  From now on, when you want to dial into freewwweb, double click on the shortcut icon on the desktop.
     

20. In case you have never used an ISP via Dialup Networking, here is how to hang up:  look in the icon tray, just to the left of the clock.  As soon as you dial into freewwweb and the connection is complete, an icon will show up down there representing the dialup session.  Move the mouse over that and click the RIGHT mouse button to get a menu, and hang up from there.
     

21. Freewwweb offers a POP3 mailbox just like any other ISP.  Use Outlook Express, Eudora, Netscape mail, or any ordinary email program.  Configure it like this:
    SMTP server = smtp.freewwweb.com
    Incoming server = pop3.freewwweb.com
    pop3 user name = your-userid
    E-mail address = your-userid@freewwweb.com
     

22. If you know what a news reader is, you will be happy to know that freewwweb offers a news server.  Configure your reading program to use: news.freewwweb.com

Submitted by Jr. Skulker NoReality

Cat Laws 

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. 

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. 

Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. 

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. 

Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat. 

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. 

Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic. 

Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. 

Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. 

Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. 

Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. 

First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. 

Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. 

Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. 

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. 

Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. 

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. 

Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. 

Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. 

Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. 

Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the midsection of an unsuspecting, reclining human. 

Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. 

Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. 

Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. 

Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.

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