To lie or keep in hiding, as for some evil reason.  To move or go in a mean, stealthy manner.
ISSN: 1527-814X Thursday July 13, 2000

WebSkulker Newsletter
Can't we all just skulk along?

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To use the links in this newsletter, you must be connected to the Internet.  PC Eudora users: to see this and other html mail properly you must check the box "Use Microsoft's Viewer" in the "Viewing Mail" options.

Do your web skulking with the latest browser

Microsoft has released a new version of Internet Explorer, 5.5, which is available for free download on the Windows Update site.  If you already had the latest version, 5.01, you won't notice much difference with 5.5.  As the documentation explains: "The newest version of Internet Explorer includes improved support for DHTML and CSS, giving Web architects greater control over browser appearance and behavior. You’ll also enjoy the ability to preview Web pages exactly as they’ll appear when printed."  WebSkulker also notices that 5.5 gives the ability to print only selected pages of a long web "page" and he doesn't think that was in 5.01, but he already upgraded all his machines to 5.5 so forgets exactly what 5.01 did.

Easy way to print your skulking documentation

WebSkulker will explain this service below, but first note that there are two links to get to the same service.  The first one is the official one that you should always go to after you have completed the signup process, but if you signup using the second link instead, you might get a larger bonus.  As of this writing, the first link offers $30 of free use, while the second link offers $50. 

Perhaps you are on a business trip and don't have a printer for your notebook computer, or perhaps you are home, but need to print multiple copies of a report with binding and cover pages.  Instead of printing out a master copy and finding a Kinko's sort of place to do the rest, sign up with and they will do all the work for you.  Sign up for an account and download/install their special software which includes virtual printer drivers for black & white and color material.  Use any word processor or other Windows program to prepare your report, then press File/Print just like you were going to print it on your PC printer.  But instead drop down the list of printers and you will see the two new ones that Mimeo installed.  Choose the appropriate one and print to that.

The Mimeo software will then pop up, connect to their web site, and transfer the printed image of your document to them.  Go through a dialog on their web site specifying how many copies you need, what kind of binding (if any, or maybe you just want staples) and what kind of cover page, if any.  At every step, you see a preview of exactly what your print job, including the optional binding and covers, will look like, and the total price for all the options you have chosen.  You finish the print job by giving them the address you want the copies shipped to, the type of shipping, and your credit card information.

Depending on how much you want to pay for shipping, they can have your documents delivered to you by the next morning.  This is all a little more expensive than a local copy shop, but if your time is valuable, remember that you can do all this sitting in front of your computer.  And also remember that you get free service for signing up, perhaps up to $50.

More skulking by voice response
1-888-38-AUDIO   1-888-382-8346

This site and toll-free phone number is yet another speech recognition and voice response system like the Tellme, Quack, and BeVocal systems that WebSkulker has written about before.  MyAudiopoint doesn't seem to have nearly the amount of local information, so WebSkulker doesn't like it very much.  One feature that might be good in some situations is that you can go to the MyAudiopoint web site and set up a series of items, such as specific types of news, weather, stocks, sports scores, etc. that you are interested in.  You can then dial in and tell the system to play your customized series, which may be several minutes long.  This could be a good thing to listen to in the morning when you wake up, or perhaps it will be boring enough to put you to sleep at bedtime.

Thanks to Jr. Skulker Batteryman for telling us about MyAudiopoint.

Real skulkers don't make excuses

Jr. Skulker Marvelena Quesada sent us this list of "Actual Excuses Given Why Pets are Taken to a Shelter. The following is a list from a veterinarian's office in Louisiana which are actual excuses given to his office, the local shelter and humane society. Amazing, isn't it???"

WebSkulker can't wait to take Ms. Cat to a shelter with the excuse "She got too old to dictate newsletters."

These made WebSkulker laugh

Submitted by Jr. Skulker Anna Shirokova-Shostak

Answering Machine for the Mental Health Hotline:

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press: no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.


Things to do for fun

1) Glue some quarters to the floor and watch people try to pick them up. 

2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 

4) Decorate with bouquets of dead flowers. 

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 

9) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 

11) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. 

13) Don't use any punctuation. 

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 

17) Sing Along at the opera. 

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. 

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. 

21) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I Won!, I Won! 3rd time this week!!!


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