^* Headline submitted by Jr. Skulker Brian Poirier
To use the links in this newsletter, you must be connected to the Internet.  PC Eudora users: to see this and other html mail properly you must check the box "Use Microsoft's Viewer" in the "Viewing Mail" options.

WebSkulker and three jr. skulker friends went to see the fireworks show last night at San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf.  Although he has seen fireworks many times before, WebSkulker suddenly got curious about how they work and how the modern big fireworks shows seem to be synchronized to the music.  He asked Ms. Cat to do some research, and this is what she came up with.  These sites have good introductions with diagrams:

http://www.howstuffworks.com/fireworks.htm

http://www.atlaspyro.com/fireworks.asp

http://www.courier-journal.com/derby98/greatest/0417boom.html

These three pages on the bayfireworks.com site show details about the computer systems used to control large fireworks displays and synchronize them to the music:

http://www.bayfireworks.com/serv01.htm
http://www.bayfireworks.com/serv02.htm
http://www.bayfireworks.com/serv03.htm

 

This page discusses the physics of producing different colors of fireworks, and why you will never see ones that are deep forest green or ocean green:

http://cc.oulu.fi/~kempmp/colours.html

This page (courtesy of Netsurfer Digest) tells you how to make your own fireworks.  Be sure to use proper safety precautions, and children shouldn't try these without adult supervision:

http://www.faqs.org/faqs/pyrotechnics-faq

http://www.wowring.com

WowRing is yet another way to make free phone calls from a PC using the PC speakers and microphone at your end, but calling a real telephone number at the other end.  WowRing will place free calls to any number in the U.S. and Canada.

http://www.sun.com/products/staroffice/5.2

http://www.sun.com/products/staroffice/5.2/get.html

Sun's StarOffice is a completely free software package very much like Microsoft Office, including a word processor with desktop-publishing and HTML-creation capabilities, spreadsheet, presentation manager, vector-based drawing including 3-D modeling, calendar, chart creator, database manager, email, and newsgroup reader.  WebSkulker mentioned the first release of StarOffice in the 9/15/99 issue and wants you to know that Sun has released a major upgrade, version 5.2.  This is totally free for the download, so go do it and never pay for the office suite type of software again.

StarOffice has versions for the Windows, Linux, and Solaris operating systems; and is available in English and several other languages.  The second link above gets you directly to the download area.  Warning, this is a BIG download, up to 105 megabytes!

http://www.greaseman.org/frame_bits.html

Jr. Sulker Frank Wilsey suggested this site:  He wrote:  The Greaseman was Howard Stern's main radio competitor for quite some time until he got carried away with a bit and got fired.  If you never heard it, his show was completely different from Stern's, and he also does stand-up from time to time.

The site's highlight is the Bits section, with pages and pages of bits Grease did over the years. Some are just funny, and some are hilarious. You have to learn the euphemisms - male genitalia are "hydraulics" or "doodads", having sex is "ha-ba-do-ga-ga", a crap is a "massive gassive"- but it's worth it. Some of these bits are in MP3 format, others in .au format so you'll need players for each. 

Of all the bits, my favorite is "A Twisted Tune featuring our snarlin' lovin' President" in the Sonny's Bits-of-the-Week" section. They do a perfect Bill Clinton in this one. Listen to it and you'll learn what a "snarlin'" is- it's the same thing as "gobble-do-gee". 

Submitted by Jr. Skulker Sidney Bernay
WebSkulker has a comment about the second item regarding fake car phones.  About ten years ago, when handheld and car-mounted cell phones were very expensive and few people had them, WebSkulker bought Jr. Skulker John Cunningham (who worked for him at the time) a fake car-mounted phone that had a fake base to tape down to the car, and a fake handset with fake cord to set down into the fake base.  John would drive around town holding the fake handset up to his ear to impress people.  One day a thief broke into the car, apparently to steal that "phone" visible through the window.  That made WebSkulker laugh when he heard about it.
 

Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. 

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. 

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. 

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. 

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. 

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). 

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. 

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

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