To lie or keep in hiding, as for some evil reason.  To move or go in a mean, stealthy manner.
ISSN: 1527-814X Thursday April 27, 2000

WebSkulker Newsletter
Old cats never die, they just skulk away

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To use the links in this newsletter, you must be connected to the Internet.  PC Eudora users: to see this and other html mail properly you must check the box "Use Microsoft's Viewer" in the "Viewing Mail" options.

More skulking via satellite

This link is to an article that talks about the TerraServer site WebSkulker mentioned in yesterday's issue.  We mentioned that we knew about the site, but didn't write about it before because it was so busy and hard to get through to.  According to this article, it was to a great extent hacker attacks that caused the problem, not simply too much traffic.

Jr. Skulker Skyssx sent us the above link that shows a satellite photo, with a note: "If you are interested, here is the site of the barracks for the entire military intelligence corps.  I'm in the one to the North East."

The best way to keep skulkers away

ZoneAlarm is a free program (for residential use, $19.95 for business) that seems to be every newsletter author's favorite personal firewall and all around Internet protection system.  WebSkulker has been reading about it for months, but never mentioned it before because it was too buggy.  Every time he downloaded the latest version he loved it and wanted to write about it, but five minutes later his PC would crash.  This happened version after version, but finally the new version he installed yesterday is working perfectly, so here is the article.

A program like ZoneAlarm is most important for people who are always connected to the Internet via a DSL line or cable modem, but even if you don't need its protections, it has a lot of functions to play with.  Like similar programs, it monitors all the ports on your PC and notifies you if any outside skulker tries to probe or connect to your ports.  But it also watches for Internet activity from programs on your PC trying to connect outbound, so it can catch anything that an intruder has implanted, or more commonly programs that you installed, but didn't realize would send information back to their server.

When you first install ZoneAlarm, it will alert you to all Internet traffic, even email and web browsing.  When you get an alert, you can tell it that this type of activity is authorized from this program, so it will never ask you again about that one.  After you run every legitimate Internet program and configure ZoneAlarm for it, then everything should be automatic and you won't be bothered by alerts unless something funny is going on.

If you leave the ZoneAlarm window open, it will show an icon for each program you have running; kind of like the task bar.  But the icons will blink whenever that program is doing any Internet activity.  When ZoneAlarm is minimized to the system tray, it shows two activity meters for outgoing and incoming Internet traffic.

WebSkulker thinks this is silly

Normally WebSkulker mentions programs and products you might want to use, but he writes about this one for the curiosity factor only and doesn't recommend it.  Imagitel wants to sell you a telephone that essentially has a calling card built in.  It seems that you are supposed to carry it with you to hotels and friends' houses, plug it in to a modular jack, and place your calls with it.  It will automatically dial a toll-free number, send touchtones representing the built-in card number, and send touchtones with the number you want to dial.  It seems to WebSkulker that it would be easier to memorize your card number and just pick up any phone and dial these digits yourself.

The phone is essentially free:  you pay a deposit of $35 which they will refund if you ever return it.  The real problem is their rates:  19.9 cents per minute!  That is very high nowadays, as you can easily get calling cards with rates of under 10 cents per minute.  See:

Skulking with Elian in the closet

All jr. skulkers are ordered to click on this one and watch the Flash presentation called "True."  There is simply nothing more that can be said.

This made WebSkulker laugh

Submitted by Jr. Skulker Belinda Navarrete

World Ideologies Explained by Reference to Cows

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. 

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk. 

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by former chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the rules say you should need. 

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. 

PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation. 

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market. 

PERESTROIKA: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market. 

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. 

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. 

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbor decides who gets the milk. 

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. 

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. 

CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral. 

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price, or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you. 

ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. 

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. 

OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and saw its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant. 

LIMBAUGHISM: You used to have two cows. They may be dead; you don't know, because you can't smell them through the stench rising off your unwashed, 1,500-pound bulk. It's been six years since you could fit into the shower. You blame the entire situation on an evil government conspiracy, and click the remote to another talk show. 

X-FILES-ISM: Your two cows turn out to be the government. They milk YOU. You are saved by two generic bimbos, a female and a male with blow-dried hair, after (1) a car chase, involving UFOs, (2) a gunfight, and (3) a seance. The aliens get the advertising revenue after the Nielsens rise.


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