To lie or keep in hiding, as for some evil reason.  To move or go in a mean, stealthy manner.
ISSN: 1527-814X Friday March 31, 2000

WebSkulker Newsletter
You made me skulk you,
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it

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Skulking through past issues

Our 11/3/99 issue mentioned The Ad Critic site that lets you view hundreds of TV ads in streaming video.  Ms. Cat noticed a new one on there that she would like you all to watch:

Cat Herders

While you are there, check out these:


Our 10/18/99 issue mentioned a site that had a lot of sound files suitable for use as the New Mail notification in your email reader.  See that issue for details on how to install these.  Jr. Skulker Randy Solton told us about another site that has a bunch more good ones:


WebSkulker has mentioned several sites that provide dynamic redirection for people with dialup Internet service who want to run host programs.  A couple of jr. skulkers submitted two other sites in this genre: submitted by Jr. Skulker Brad.  He likes it because they provide 100 email addresses of your choice that will forward to your main email address, but you can tell which of the 100 the sender used.  The home page for the site lists all of its features. submitted by Jr. Skulker Joseph Norton.  He likes it because it has features for handling services other than web servers including non-standard ports, and it works well with your own domain name that you registered.

Skulkers have a need for speed

This site will be of particular interest to the jr. skulker who has a DSL line or cable modem because it has a lot of information, tweaks, and utility programs especially for you.  For the rest of you, this site also has articles on optimizing, troubleshooting and customizing Windows 95/98 and overclocking of CPU's.

Skulking through Internet history

"An Internet timeline highlighting some of the key events and technologies which helped shape the Internet as we know it today."  It starts with the formation of ARPA in 1958 and goes to the present, as the author continuously updates the site.

WebSkulker was fascinated by this December, 1973 memo that the timeline links to:  which predicted all the Internet security problems we have today.

Also look about three-quarters of the way down for fascinating charts and graphs about growth of the Internet:

Skulking the April fool,10583,,00.html

This form lets you generate your very own Internet hoax email AND SEND IT TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS RIGHT NOW!

Jr. Skulker Frank Wilsey suggested this freeware program:  "Random Burper is just that, a hidden software program that will play gross burp sounds randomly every minute until closed. There are many different burp sounds that our software has to choose from, listen long enough and you might even hear a small fart. Our software has an added feature of turning the internal Windows volume to maximum just before burping, then restoring it back to the original settings. Place Random Burper on an unsuspecting office worker and watch them become red with embarrassment. This is a must have prank to play on that conservative worker in your office."

This made WebSkulker laugh

Submitted by Jr. Skulker Socrates.  You might think Ms. Cat would object to this joke, but she liked it because it shows the toughness and robustness of her species.

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position left forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in the right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 

7.Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from the hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw; force cat's mouth open with straw and blow down drinking straw. 

9.Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with cold water and soap. 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 

12. Ring Fire Department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 

13.Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table. 

15. Call vet to arrange for a house call.


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