To lie or keep in hiding, as for some evil reason.  To move or go in a mean, stealthy manner.

Friday October 29, 1999

WebSkulker Newsletter
Skulk or Treat

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Skulking your ancestors

This is the first annual Halloween issue of WebSkulker, with all material devoted to the holiday and to dead spirits in general.  Let's start with a site that is not only about death, but can actually be quite useful: the Social Security Death Index:

This site has a searchable "index to basic information about persons with Social Security numbers whose deaths have been reported to the Social Security Administration. The death may have been reported by a survivor requesting benefits. It may have been reported in order to stop Social Security Benefits to the deceased.  Beginning in 1962, the SSA began to use a computer database for processing requests for benefits. About 98% percent of the people in the SSDI died after 1962, but a few death dates go back as far as 1937."

Skulking dead celebrities

These two sites are also about real dead people.  The first lists thousands of dead celebrities with brief biographies, the locations of their graves, and often pictures of their grave sites:

The second has about 30 dead celebrities with brief biographies and pictures of them in repose:

How long will you jr. skulkers live?

This site, suggested by Jr. Skulker JennyAnn, has a web version of a test we have seen before that predicts how long you have to live based on your health, habits, and environment.  Some humor has been added in places, but otherwise this is probably legitimate as a statistical guess.

Freddy, the ultimate skulker

JennyAnn also suggested this site.  Download and install the free program and Freddy Kreuger will start skulking around your Windows desktop.  Can you use your mouse to stop him?  Give them your email address, and they will send you an attachment each week with more episodes.

These made WebSkulker laugh

What did Jeffrey Dahmer keep in his freezer?
Ben and Jerry


What do you get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and divide it by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi


Contributed by Jr. Skulker Dan Dunkel:

Top ten reasons Trick-or-Treating is better than sex:

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. if you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!


Contributed by Jr. Skulker Ms. 1133:

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.  As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."  And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong.

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.  "Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"


Halloween Riddles 

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
-They're afraid of flying off the handle.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest? 
- No body

What do skeletons say before they begin dining? 
- Bone appetit...

What kind of monsters do you find hanging around Laundromats? 
- Wash and werewolves

What do ghosts wear to protect themselves while driving? 
- Sheet belts

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? 
- Dayscare centers

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? 
- His ghoul friend.

What monster flies his kite in a rain storm? 
- Benjamin Frankenstein

What do ghosts serve for dessert? 
- Ice Scream

What's a monsters favorite play? 
-Romeo and Ghouliet

What do witches put on their hair? 
- Scare spray

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? 
- Bamboo

What's a haunted chicken? 
- a poultry-geist

How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?
- He has a big D on his pajamas

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster? 
- Grandma monster

Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
- Because he was in need of a light snack

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
- Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
- Boo boos

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? 
-Because of his coffin

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
- They're good at keeping things under wraps

What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
- Ghost-Toasties

 What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
- A wash and wear wolf

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
- Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
- Count Duckula

What game do little cannibals like to play at parties?
- Swallow the leader

Where do vampires send their dirty clothes?
- To the dry screamers

What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
- Ghost toasties with booberries.

What's soft, moldy and flies?
- A spoiled bat.

What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
- "You're under a vest!"

What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
- He had to give it back.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
- A dead ringer.

What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
- I'd like to get to gnaw you.

Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
- "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."

Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
- In a blood bank.

How does a witch tell time?
- She looks at her witch watch.

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
- When you're a mouse.

Why did the monster eat the caboose?
- The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."

What's the best place for a mirror?
- In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.

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